Gratitude for Another Year of Life’s Lessons

One of the greatest joys of preparing for my annual seminar series is taking the time to reflect on the work of the last year and pull together the lessons I have learned from the people with whom I have worked.  I am always humbled when I realize how much I have gained through the bravery and efforts of others as I assist them in tackling their riding challenges.  Each year I have grown in insight and understanding.  Each year I have grown in my awareness of the uniqueness of each individual’s challenges.  I hope that I have grown in my ability to respond to each person’s situation with knowledge and skill.  I also hope that I have grown in my ability to respond with sensitivity, insight and “feel”.

As I sit down to prepare myself for this year’s seminar series, I am acutely aware that this year was as rich as any other in what I have learned.  What strikes me as different this year is that the challenges I have faced as a sport psychologist have helped me return to my professional roots as a clinical psychologist.  I have spent much of the last twelve years seeking to increase my knowledge and skill specifically in sport psychology.  I have explored many of the traditional arenas of sport psychology; emotional regulation, goal setting, imagery, and self-talk to name a few.  I have also mastered intervention techniques such as hypnosis, neuro-linguistic programming,  and mindfulness meditation.  What I have realized this year is that knowledge and technical skill, no matter how complete, is not enough.

The challenge is not in articulating what could be (or what some might feel should be) attained in terms of mental and emotional states during competition.  The challenge is in engaging ourselves in the process of change.  How many articles have you read or seminars have you attended that have outlined the essential mental skills of successful athletes?  How many books have you read about sport psychology techniques for improving performance, managing anxiety, or tackling fear?  The reality is that there is a lot of very good information out there.  Yet, I meet person after person who has had great difficulty applying this excellent knowledge base in a way that leads to meaningful changes in their own riding.

So what do you do when the solutions seem clear and simple, but difficult to attain?  How do you set the stage so that you are open and available for growth and change in our riding?  For the last year I have been looking to my roots as a clinical psychologist to shed some light on potential answers to these questions.  I have used this blog as a place to talk about some of the human psychology which underlies the challenges we face, and more importantly, the challenges we face in changing.  This year in the seminar series my goal is to take another step toward helping each rider make positive changes by offering them more than just a template for success.  I hope to offer them greater understanding of themselves and what they need on a basic psychological level to engage their curiosity and creativity.  The same curiosity and creativity which makes change not only possible, but powerfully rewarding.

Skills Don’t Ride Horses… People Do.

I love those weeks when information from widely disparate sources converge, providing insight and understanding to your work.  This was one of those weeks for me.  First I was reading a book entitled The Bond: Connecting Through the Space Between Us by Lynne McTaggart.  In a chapter on perspective called “Seeing the Whole” she describes example after example where people were able to “see” things that others could not.  Her point was a powerful one.  When we narrow the focus of our attention we risk the exclusion of profoundly important information.

As I was chewing on her assertion I remembered a TED video I had seen recently by psychiatrist Iain McGilchrist on the divided brain. So, I watched it again, and again, and again.  This provocative and informative video is so full of information it deserves multiple viewings.  In the video, Dr. McGilchrist tells us that most of what popular culture believes about the attributes of the right and left hemispheres of the brain are unsubstantiated and should be abandoned.  He then goes on to explain the real differences between the right and left hemispheres of the brain.  He explains that the left hemisphere is responsible for very narrowly focused attention and, in its human expression, it is all about analysis, categorization, breaking things down, grasping control and understanding our experience through systems of simplified representation, procedures, causal relationships, rules, laws, etc.

He then goes on to describe the right hemisphere as being responsible for a broad and inclusive kind of attention that is used for making connections with our world, protecting us from potential threats and assisting us in bonding with others and our world.  In its human expression the right hemisphere is on the look out for anything that is new.  It seeks out context and implicit meaning in our world.  It is expansive and all about that which cannot be easily grasped.  He concludes his talk by suggesting that both hemispheres are profoundly important. Yet, he observes, an imbalance exists in our modern world where there is far more importance placed on the narrow focus of the left hemisphere at the expense of the greater awareness born of the right.

My third experience of the week was listening to an excellent teleseminar presentation on goal setting by a colleague and mental skills coach from California, Tonya Johnston sponsored by Equestrian Professional.  Tonya did a wonderful job outlining the important aspects of goal setting for both riders and trainers/instructors.  She also was thoughtful and creative in her response to the many interesting questions raised by her audience.  As always, I was struck by how challenging it is to take what appears to be a simple, well defined, and well articulated skill like goal setting and apply it in the real world. In fact, isn’t that the case for most skills, including the skills involved in riding.  We are very good at breaking it down, analyzing it, and turning it into a system.  But, somehow the focused knowledge, no matter how complete or well communicated, is never enough.  Who among us has truly learned to ride from a book?  Why is it so hard to apply what we know intellectually in the real world of riding?

Oh!  So maybe it is so hard to apply all of this knowledge because we are focusing our attention in a very narrow way to the exclusion of a larger awareness.  Maybe, we are over-utilizing our left hemisphere.  Desperately trying to grasp or understand the components or skills underlying success at the exclusion of a greater awareness, relatedness or connection to our world that the right hemisphere provides.  Maybe we have focused on the development of discrete skills at the expense of developing our ability for broader awareness, intuition and feel.

It makes more sense to me now why so much of my work goes beyond teaching riders mental skills.  It makes a lot more sense to me now why so many of my clients make such meaningful gains when they are better able to value context and the relationship with their horse.  It makes more sense to me now why general exercises in expanding awareness like mindfulness meditation have such a profound impact on person’s ability to advance in their horsemanship.  It is because discrete skills don’t ride horses… people do.

I’ll Get To It Later…

Procrastination.  After anxiety and fear, procrastination is perhaps the next most commonly presented problem in my work with equestrians.  This is really not surprising since procrastination is a profoundly human problem.  A simple search on amazon.com for books addressing procrastination will yield somewhere on the order of 843 results.  A search on Google Scholar yields over 46,000 results.  Yes, 46,000!  It is humbling when you think about it. Just imagine how much time and energy has gone into studying and trying to solve this problem of procrastination.

On one hand it might feel demoralizing.  If that many minds have struggled to come up with solutions and have yet to land on a definitive answer to the problem, what hope have I. But, I find myself taking a different tact.  I actually find comfort in the company, knowing that these difficult experiences and feelings I have struggled with from time to time, as I attempt to complete important tasks, are part of being human.  It also helps me to be more compassionate with myself and has given me the freedom to explore my own creative solutions to the challenge of procrastination.  Perhaps my optimism is born out of my experience of years helping people find creative solutions to problems where the solutions are best described as “simple but not easy.”

One thing is for sure.  “Just do it!” is not an answer for most people and there are sound psychological reasons for that.  Procrastination involves the experience of a negative feeling (usually anxiety) as we approach a task we perceive to be high-priority.  In response to our discomfort we distract ourselves by automatically shifting our efforts and attention to lower priority tasks, thus relieving the anxiety.  Avoidance strategies are highly reinforcing.  Think about how easy it is to “train”" a horse to pull back or escape.  The release of pressure at just the wrong moment a few times and “Voila!”  Horses quickly learn to avoid or escape things that cause them great discomfort.  We are no different in this regard.  Procrastination behavior is, in and of itself, reinforcing.

The fact that procrastination involves the experience off a negative emotion such as anxiety.  Also gives us clues as to why the “Cowboy Up!” or “Just Do It!” approaches don’t work well for most.  It is very similar to what I speak about when helping riders deal with performance anxiety or fear.  It’s the “don’t think of pink elephants” effect where the more you try not to feel something the more you actually focus your attention on it and practice feeling it. This inevitably makes the feeling stronger.  When procrastination is mild and infrequent it is a lot easier to suck it up and  push our way through it.  The more intense and frequent it becomes, the more this strategy will backfire and serve to intensify your discomfort and ultimately your procrastination.

What then is one to do? Interestingly enough the most effective approaches involve doing a lot less.  Imagine if we were to strengthen our ability to tolerate  feeling or experiencing our emotions with out acting on them.  A few really good things might come of this.   First, we might realize that we are “just having a feeling” as we approach an important task.  We might also realize that the only power these feelings have to drive our behavior is the power that we actually give them in the moment.  I am frequently heard telling my clients that there are only two things I know to be true: no feeling in and of itself ever killed anyone and, if you don’t like what you are feeling wait, it will change.  If we commit ourselves to being more aware of what we are feeling as we approach important tasks and we commit ourselves to practicing the art of being aware of our feelings and tolerating them without reacting, we will quickly find that we have a choice.  We can choose to engage in the high priority task or we can choose to “procrastinate.”  The only problem now is that choosing to “procrastinate” is not really procrastination.  Is it? Hmmmm.

Now… if I could only get myself to work on the flyers for my upcoming seminar series.

So what are you really afraid of…

Many discussions of fear in riding are focused on the strategies and  mechanics of overcoming fear.  We have come to learn a lot about respecting fear, moving just beyond the edge of our comfort zone, approach and retreat, the value of repetition, taking small steps, self-acceptance, mindfulness meditation, and the power of supportive friends.  I am grateful as a sport psychologist that we live in an age when so many helpful tools are available and accessible to every rider.  But, what if there was a way to supercharge your efforts and speed your progress in overcoming your fear?  Would you be interested?

Some times the most helpful ideas are the simplest and seemingly obvious.  Recently, while working with a rider to overcome his fear of jumping, I had a profound and important realization in the midst of the work. The rider was not actually afraid of jumping.   He was afraid of something else… falling short and disappointing others.

I discovered this truth in an off-hand comment that the rider made about riding out on his own.  He related the story of a recent trail ride and spoke enthusiastically about how he had to negotiate several obstacles (i.e., jumps).  Nowhere in his story did he describe the debilitating fear that had dominated out work together.  When I pointed this out to him, we quickly came to the realization that he always felt the fear during lessons and shows where his instructor and family were watching.  Since he mostly rode in lessons or shows and seldom rode on his own he really hadn’t had the opportunity to put the pieces of the puzzle together in this way.  His work shifted from desensitizing himself to his fear of jumping to addressing his feelings and beliefs about what what others thought of him.  Helping him shift his beliefs, build his self-confidence and clarify the real nature of his instructor’s and family’s feelings about his jumping helped him make big changes very quickly.

This discovery reminded me about an important truth.  As much as I have talked about how change is possible without understanding “Why?” and how “Why?” can be a distraction (see Why Ask Why?), there are times when taking the time to understand the answer to the question “Why?” will help to guide your efforts to change in meaningful ways.  This seems especially true when fear is involved.

The next time your tackling a fear and your progress seems frustratingly slow, or nonexistent, take a step back and ask why you are afraid.  Is it the physical reality that you are facing such as the jump or the horse or the height?  Or is there something else?  Are you afraid to fail, of how you will look to others, of the impact of a possible injury on others such as your spouse or children, that you may hurt your horse, or some other reason we have yet to imagine? Address these other concerns honestly and directly and, if you still experience fear in your riding  and you still want to conquer it, try again.  It is likely that progress will come much more easily.

When You Need New Glasses…

Sometimes you need new lenses and sometimes you just need new frames.

I have always been seduced by the idea that if I can just analyze a problem sufficiently, I will be able to solve it.  I am a problem solver by nature and was raised in a family where knowledge and understanding were highly valued.  Especially, if that knowledge and understanding came from a careful, methodical and thorough analysis.  I have thought about this as the”lens” through which I look at a problem.  If I could just bring the problem into focus then I felt that I had a good shot at solving it.

One of my earliest challenges as a psychologist was my impatience in the process of change.  I worked diligently with my clients to help them explore their lives.  I helped them understand behavioral and emotional patterns, their temperament, their neurology and physiology, their relationships, and how their life of learning led them to where they are at the present moment.  And yet, more often than not, this highly focused and clear understanding of their problems did not spontaneously lead to change. Frustrating, right?

Over time I began to notice that the clients that did make changes were the one’s that, after understanding their problem, naturally shifted their focus to solutions.  In that way, they knew where they were going.  They had analyzed the problems in their life and, using that analysis as a basis, they had identified one or more solutions.  In essence, they had shifted their focus and attention from what I call a “problem frame” to a “solution frame”.  This may seem like an obvious and simple idea, but it is so often lost both in life and in learning.

Take a moment the next time you ride to listen to the voice inside your head.  How often do you identify a problem in your riding?  How often do you search for a cause?  And, how often when you identify a cause, do you admonish yourself to stop doing the offending behavior? Many riders are very critical of themselves.  They constantly tell themselves “don’t do this” or “don’t do that.”  The problem with this approach is simply that no amount of telling ourselves what not to do will help us do the right thing.

If your an instructor or coach, pay attention to the language that you use when working with your clients.  Notice how often you are critical or point out something your client is doing wrong.  If you find yourself doing this on occasion, try an experiment.  The next time your teaching a lesson and notice a behavior that you would like your client to change, take the time to enter a into “problem frame” with your student.  Clearly and thoroughly describe your client’s riding behavior and why it fails to bring about the desired results.  Then consciously and deliberately shift the focus from problems to solutions and enter into a “solution frame.” Talk with them clearly and specifically about what they need to do in order to progress. Finally, when you see the undesired behavior again, help your client stay in a “solution frame” by reminding them about what they need to do rather than pointing out their mistake.

There is no doubt that seeing things clearly is of great value in our equestrian lives, and that looking at our experience through the correct lens will help us greatly in our quest to accomplish our riding goals.  It is equally important to remember that no amount of focus or clarity will serve to help us overcome the challenges in our equestrian journey, if we are seeing things clearly through an unhelpful frame.

Adrenaline: Boom or Bust

Yesterday, I was reading a Horse & Hound article entitled “Adrenaline and how to use it.”  In the article, sport psychologist Charlie Unwin talks about the adrenaline that is produced when riding cross country.  The article goes on to comment how important our interpretation of the adrenalin rush is in determining our experience.  The foundational psychological principles that underlie this assertion are extraordinarily helpful to understand for any rider who is struggling with strong emotion.  So much so, that I devote a significant amount of time to this topic in my sport psychology clinics and seminars.

All emotions involve physiological arousal, a behavioral reaction, and a cognitive appraisal.  This is important to understand because we can actively use each of these components of emotion to change our emotional experience.  Strategies like systematic desensitization use the physiological state of relaxation to influence emotional reactions such as fear and anxiety as they relate to specific situations.  Actors engage in emotion-linked behaviors to access emotional states in preparation for roles.  We can can challenge our cognitive appraisals of emotional reactions in our riding in order to shift our emotional experience.

The adrenalin example is a good one.  If we interpret the rush of adrenaline as “I am afraid,” fear will dominate our resulting emotional experience.  If we interpret the rush of adrenaline as ” I am excited,” excitement will dominate our emotional experience.  The reason that this works is because the physiological arousal in emotional experience is reasonably non-specific.  Think about the physical experience of anxiety (increased heart rate, faster shorter breaths, butterflies in the stomach, etc.).  Now think about the physical experience of excitement.  Note the similarities.

Decades of research have been devoted to demonstrating how non-specific physiological arousal can influence our emotional experiences ranging from anxiety to anger to sexual attraction.  The reader that is interested in a more in-depth exploration of this phenomenon is encouraged to read about excitation transfer in emotion.  For our purposes, it is enough to know that how we interpret our physiological arousal impacts our emotional experience.

So here is the deal,  the next time your are experiencing strong emotion in your riding that is interfering with your performance, stop – take a breath – ask yourself if there is more than one explanation for what you are feeling.  Specifically, is there a potentially (at least partial) positive explanation that fits your circumstances.  The example of anxiety and excitement as you enter the arena is often a useful one, given that most competitors are legitimately excited as well as anxious when competing. The simple acknowledgement that there is more to our experience than the initial negative appraisal is often enough to profoundly shift our experience for the good.

One word of caution, it won’t work to lie to yourself.  Just as making self-affirmations we don’t believe will not change how we feel about ourselves, making up a positive explanation for our physiological arousal that we don’t believe will also fail to produce change.  But don’t despair, in those cases we just need to take a different approach to managing our emotions.

Horse Stories: From Blame to Understanding

As a sport psychologist and psychotherapist I have spent decades helping people better understand themselves and improve their relationships.  One of the steps in the process of healing and changing is understanding the story each client tells of the challenges they have faced throughout their life.

I often hear the complaint at the beginning of the process, “Why do I have to talk about my past?” and “I don’t want to blame my parents, family, friends,  etc.”  And, in general, my clients do want to take responsibility for themselves and don’t want to pass the proverbial buck.  My response to them is always the same.  The goal in exploring a client’s life story is not to excuse oneself or to assign fault or blame, but rather to foster and develop understanding.  It is in understanding that we often find our direction forward.

We face a unique challenge in our relationship with horses.  There are few other inter-species relationships that are as deep and intense as those we develop with our equine partners.  And, in part because of this intensity, we often interpret and assign meaning to our relationship with our horse, as well as interpret their behavior, in human terms.  I recently wrote a blog about the ways in which we assign qualities, characteristics, and judgments to our horses through the psychological process called projection.

The fact that horses don’t talk back in our native language and can’t debate our explanations for why they bucked, shied, refused, stepped on us or otherwise engaged in some undesirable behavior, leaves the door wide open for human interpretation or projection.  It also makes it extremely easy for us to be self-serving in the meanings that we make and the stories we tell (enter – blame).  If we want to be responsible in our relationship with our horse we need to exercise reflection and awareness in our interpretation of their behavior.

So here are a couple of questions you can ask yourself that may help you to explore the nature of the stories you bring to your relationship with your horse, and hopefully foster greater understanding while minimizing blame:

• How balanced is your explanation or interpretation of your horse’s behavior?  There is an old saying amongst relationship therapists – Every relationship issue is 100% my partner’s  responsibility and 100% mine.  If you find yourself placing the majority of the responsibility on your horse, or conversely taking on all the responsibility yourself, it may be worth taking a second look.
• How “convenient” or “comfortable” is your explanation or interpretation of your horse’s behavior?  While sometimes the easiest and most convenient explanations serve us well, there are times that relying on “convenient” explanations serves to help us to avoid thoughts, ideas, understandings that are less comfortable for us to face.
• Is the language I use in the story of my horse filled with human qualities, labels, and/or ideals?  Assigning human qualities and characteristics to our equine partner does make us feel better.
• Does my explanation or understanding help to illuminate a path forward?  Blame, whether it is assigned to ourselves or our horse, is a dead end.  So you say to your horse, “This happened because you’re a bully, a scaredy cat, mean, or lazy.”  What then?

I am acutely aware that there is no “One True Story.” I find it helpful to think about our knowledge, understanding, and experiences as being represented in a collection of stories that fit various circumstances.  As we grow in our relationship with our horses and run into the inevitable challenges, let’s have the courage to be curious and question the “convenient” or “familiar” stories, especially the one’s that end in blame.   In contrast, let’s tell a story of shared responsibility that honors both us and our horses for who and what we truly are.  A story that illuminates a pathway forward, even if it is only for now.

Beyond Sport Psychology Techniques: Exploring the impact of shame.

At the end of any presentation on equestrian sport psychology  I find myself listening carefully to the questions that are asked.  Over time I have noticed that there are often three very different types of questions posed to any presenter.

The first type of question is what I call the “tune-up” question.  In these questions a rider generally feels good about their riding but has very specific and circumscribed challenges in very specific situations from which they would like relief.  Or, a rider wants to take the good things they have going on in their riding and give themselves a competitive edge. These questions are the joy of any sport psychologist because our armament of techniques are uniquely suited to address these types of concerns.  Tackling these questions allows us to strut our proverbial “stuff” and expound upon techniques and strategies such as pre-ride routines, relaxation techniques, visualization, desensitization, cognitive re-framing, emotional management, and goal setting to name a few.

The second type of question is the “fear” question.  Fear questions move beyond the worries and anxieties of show jitters and often deal with a rider’s traumatic experience.  Perhaps they have had a bad fall, been hurt as a result of being over-faced by the horse they were riding, experienced some other form of traumatic accident, or for some other reason have become acutely aware of their mortality.  While clearly more challenging than addressing questions about enhancing performance, dealing with trauma and serious fears is difficult but often straight forward and with professional assistance riders can reasonably expect positive results in a relatively short period of time.

The last type of question is from the riders who are clearly suffering and have tried everything. Theirs are questions about dealing with negative emotional experiences that are not circumscribed to very specific situations and are not related just to fear of being injured.  Rather, these are negative emotional experiences which may manifest themselves as anxiety, panic, fear, anger, frustration, depression, etc. which are rooted in deeply held beliefs about themselves.  They sometimes refer to their feelings as insecurities.  They sometimes describe their experience as self criticism, lack of confidence or self-doubt.  Whatever they call these experiences, the experiences tend to be feelings that are enduring and pervasive.  They are feelings that have been around a long time and pop up in a variety of circumstances and situations of which equestrian competition is a notable one.

I call these questions “shame-based” questions because the pervasive experience of the individual meets the textbook definition of shame: a  painful emotion caused by a strong sense of guilt, embarrassment, unworthiness, or disgrace.  There are riders that experience these difficult and intense feelings even when they have not done anything “shameful” or wrong.  Despite the lack of objective evidence to support these emotional reactions, the feelings are very real for many competitors and often very disruptive in their pursuit of their riding goals.

The field of psychology is mixed on the adaptive value of shame.  We all experience some degree of shame, and in its mildest forms shame might be seen as a force that helps us conform to societal norms.  But, shame exists on a continuum of mild to severe and, psychology is clear about feelings of  shame that rise to the level of a bad feeling about who you are as a person.  This level of experienced shame is uniformly maladaptive.  Unfortunately, shame at this level is far more common than anyone would wish it to be.

We can all ask ourselves a question about the role that shame plays in our reaction to competition.  How do we react when a ride does not go well?  Do we feel understandably frustrated or disappointed?  Are we realistic in our appraisal of how our trainer, friend or family feel?  Or, do we react with an emotional intensity that doesn’t fit the realities of the situation?  Do we despair with self-appraisals of worthlessness?  Do we assume that the people who support us (trainers, coaches, family, and friends) are profoundly disappointed in us?  Do we feel intensely embarrassed or ashamed?  Your honest answers to these questions will help you better determine the role that shame might play in your competitive life.

The unfortunate reality is that performance enhancement techniques will be limited in their effect when the our core struggle is with shame.  Because of this fact, riders dealing with intense feeling of shame often feel disappointed in the results when they apply the classic sport psychology techniques.  This does not mean that we should abandon the practice of these techniques.  On the contrary, most riders will gain significant benefit from the practice of mental and emotional skills as they relate to their sport.  However, understanding the role of shame in our experience helps place things in context and gives us perspective and direction in ultimately changing our experience.

Unlike performance enhancement and addressing fear, healing from our experience of shame is not necessarily a simple or straight forward process.  Yet, investing the time and and energy it takes to change our experience of shame is likely to have powerful and profound effects in many areas of our lives including our relationship with our horse and our participation in competition.

“Sport Psychology Just Doesn’t Work For Me…”

Recently at a holiday party, one of the people with whom I was talking found out that I was a sport psychologist.  They quickly commented that they had read all the sport psychology books and tried the techniques.  They then emphatically stated that sport psychology didn’t work for them.  I had two immediate reactions to their comment which I reserved for this post.

The first is my amazement at how consistently people believe that reading a book or listening to a lecture on sport psychology is enough to legitimately give it a try and make a determination as to whether or not  it “works for them.”  Imagine for a moment a conversation with a friend who, after finding out that you rode and competed in dressage,  stated definitively that they had read several books about dressage, tried it for a week or two with their horse and concluded that it “didn’t work for them.”

To change or shape a person’s state of mind while riding or competing is no different than mastering a riding discipline or learning any other skill or ability.  It takes a positive attitude, knowledge, skill, practice and coaching.  It is also best learned over time and integrated in your development as a rider.

The fact is… each person is unique.  We come to our riding with our own mix of psychological strengths and weaknesses.  Moreover, the mental and emotional challenges that we face in our riding will change with each new experience. The challenges we face can also change dramatically over time as we age and mature.  It baffles me how we so easily and automatically seek out trainers, instructors and coaches to help us on our riding journey while, at the same time, believing that we should face the mental, emotional and perhaps spiritual struggles on our own.

My second reaction to the comments of my fellow holiday party-goer is that there are a surprisingly large number of subtle and not-so-subtle psychological dynamics to explain why one’s attempts to use a variety of sport psychology techniques might fail.

As I write, I am transported back to the countless times, at the behest of my instructor,  I made a very subtle change in my position or application of the aides which resulted in a miraculous change in my horse.  If you had asked me prior to making the change, I would have been convinced that my position was correct and the aides were applied correctly.  Why would I intentionally ride otherwise?  The question really revolves around whether or not I was best suited to evaluate the situation.

Exploring our inner psychological life and the many way it may impact our riding and our relationship with our horse can leave many of us feeling vulnerable.  It is because of this vulnerability that it is a popular choice for people shy away from the journey of self discovery.  They may seek safety and comfort by attempting to deal with their psychological challenges on their own.  Yet, it is exactly because personal growth and exploration makes us feel vulnerable that it is often difficult to see ourselves clearly.

If you read a sport psychology book and successfully apply some of what you learn to your riding… great!  If you find yourself hungry for more… wonderful! Read more, attend seminars  or clinics,  and seek out consultation with a sport psychology professional because there is more to be had.  If you find some challenge in getting it working for you… don’t dismiss sport psychology out-of-hand.  Exploring the road blocks to improving your mental game might take time, working closely with an expert with whom you can develop a trusting relationship. But, as with so many things in life, that in which we invest time, energy, and effort often yields the greatest rewards.  At the very least you deserve to invest as much in yourself and your own personal growth as you do in your horse.

Casting Call – The Roles Our Horses Play

Last week I had the chance to catch up with an old friend Jane Nordstrom and meet a new friend Kristen Auerbach.  We were meeting to talk about a dream of mine; a place where riders and their horses can go to heal themselves in mind, body and spirit.  Kristen was talking about her work with yoga for equestrians and described the powerful emotions that her work often brought out in her clients.  The conversation drifted to explore why horses brought out such intense feelings in people and it got me thinking about the psychology of people and how they relate to horses.

I want to qualify what I am about to say by acknowledging that horses have a power, energy and spirit all their own.  My reflections on human psychology and its impact on our relationships with horses is not meant in any way to diminish the contribution of the horse in our relationships with them.  Instead I am temporarily shining a light on the human half of that relationship so that we might grow in our awareness of ourselves and hopefully understand better what we bring to the table.

I also want to acknowledge that there are as many perspectives on human experience and psychology as there are people.  I don’t pretend to have ” the Truth” but rather “a truth”, a perspective that many of my clients have found helpful in understanding their experience and ultimately making better choices for themselves.

There are two ideas I would like to share with you today.  The first is the powerful impact of our human experience and learning over our life span on our relationship with horses.  The second is our own powerful ability to gain “control” over our experience by projecting our thoughts and ideas onto others.

The importance of our lived experience in understanding how we react to our current reality seems obvious, yet it is easy for us to ignore.  This life of learning I am referring to is far more than the sum total of our intellectual knowledge and our developed skills.  It is the very fabric of our character and personality.  Each of us (with our unique physiology, neurology and temperament) is born into this world into a context, a web of relationships.  The nature of these relationships, especially early in our lives, molds and shapes so many of our essential qualities, including our emotional and psychological balance/resilience as well as our needs and expectations in relationships.

Who I am as a person is profoundly important in my journey as a horseman.  Am I assertive or timid?  Am I intellectual or emotional?  What are my personal thresholds for tolerating emotion?  What are my preferred emotional states when dealing with challenge or conflict?  Am I optimistic or pessimistic? Am I vigilant or a daydreamer?  How do I respond to different situations? Answers to these questions and the myriad of others that may have occurred to you as you read this provide important information in helping you to understand your experience with horses.  They will also help you to understand what you come to think and believe about your horse, which brings us to my second point: projection.

Let’s face it.  A horse is a horse.  Anything that we think about a horse (our thoughts, ideas, beliefs, and understandings) is a product of our mind.  We take our lived experience and formulate that experience in our minds in human language.  We create a story about our horse and our experience with him and then project that onto the horse.  This is a natural and healthy process for humans.  We do it all the time with almost every aspect of our lives.  This includes projections in our relationships with people as well as animals and even inanimate objects.  It only becomes a problem when our projections diverge so far from reality that they cause conflicts for ourselves or others.

Consider for a moment the last time you ascribed a human emotion or characteristic to your horse.  Perhaps you thought of him as happy, content, or loving his job.  Perhaps you thought of him as manipulative, lazy, or as holding a grudge.  I am a firm believer that horses experience what we call emotion, but I am also a firm believer that horses don’t think and conceptualize their emotions and the world in the same way we do.  The stories we tell about our horses may in fact work for us.  Perhaps they help us to feel in control of our world and help guide our actions or responses to our horses in functional ways.  But it is important to be aware that they are only tools to help us navigate the unknown and are not “true”  in the same way that Alfred Korzybski reminded us, “The a map is not the territory.”

So, why do people react so strongly and emotionally to their horse?  Certainly one piece is that horses are physically and energetically powerful and sensitive creatures.  More importantly horses are also wonderful projective objects,  screens on which we have projected our own powerfully emotional story.  A story colored by our own life experience, needs, expectations, dreams, etc.  In that way we write them into the script of the drama that is our life, assigning them an important role and interacting with them accordingly.

The horseman or horsewoman who is aware of of how their life experience has influenced their perceptions, thinking, reactions and emotions and who understand that the stories they make up about their horses are limited abstractions and are not the whole truth,  open the door to to both their own personal growth and the opportunity to experience the true power of the horse.  They get to build genuine relationships with their horses rather than just casting them into a pre-existing role in the ongoing drama of their life.