Many discussions of fear in riding are focused on the strategies and mechanics of overcoming fear. We have come to learn a lot about respecting fear, moving just beyond the edge of our comfort zone, approach and retreat, the value of repetition, taking small steps, self-acceptance, mindfulness meditation, and the power of supportive friends. I am grateful as a sport psychologist that we live in an age when so many helpful tools are available and accessible to every rider. But, what if there was a way to supercharge your efforts and speed your progress in overcoming your fear? Would you be interested?
Some times the most helpful ideas are the simplest and seemingly obvious. Recently, while working with a rider to overcome his fear of jumping, I had a profound and important realization in the midst of the work. The rider was not actually afraid of jumping. He was afraid of something else… falling short and disappointing others.
I discovered this truth in an off-hand comment that the rider made about riding out on his own. He related the story of a recent trail ride and spoke enthusiastically about how he had to negotiate several obstacles (i.e., jumps). Nowhere in his story did he describe the debilitating fear that had dominated out work together. When I pointed this out to him, we quickly came to the realization that he always felt the fear during lessons and shows where his instructor and family were watching. Since he mostly rode in lessons or shows and seldom rode on his own he really hadn’t had the opportunity to put the pieces of the puzzle together in this way. His work shifted from desensitizing himself to his fear of jumping to addressing his feelings and beliefs about what what others thought of him. Helping him shift his beliefs, build his self-confidence and clarify the real nature of his instructor’s and family’s feelings about his jumping helped him make big changes very quickly.
This discovery reminded me about an important truth. As much as I have talked about how change is possible without understanding “Why?” and how “Why?” can be a distraction (see Why Ask Why?), there are times when taking the time to understand the answer to the question “Why?” will help to guide your efforts to change in meaningful ways. This seems especially true when fear is involved.
The next time your tackling a fear and your progress seems frustratingly slow, or nonexistent, take a step back and ask why you are afraid. Is it the physical reality that you are facing such as the jump or the horse or the height? Or is there something else? Are you afraid to fail, of how you will look to others, of the impact of a possible injury on others such as your spouse or children, that you may hurt your horse, or some other reason we have yet to imagine? Address these other concerns honestly and directly and, if you still experience fear in your riding and you still want to conquer it, try again. It is likely that progress will come much more easily.
Riding Far, LLC 