Recovery from Injury: A Personal Path

It is human nature to want to make sense of our world so that we might predict or control it.  We seem to have a built-in desire to know, to understand.  This desire is even stronger when we have had a negative experience.  When a rider has experienced a fall or other riding related injury, it is common for people to feel a sense of trepidation getting back into the saddle.  Depending on the nature of the accident and the personality and/or history of the rider, trepidation may give way to anxiety, fear or even panic.  Under these conditions, we want to know how to address our fear.  We want  a plan.  We want certainty.  We want to know that everything is going to be OK if we follow the steps and do what we are supposed to do.

If you search Amazon for books on “Overcoming Fear and Anxiety” you will get somewhere on the order of 650 results.  In addition, there are numerous books dedicated specifically to overcoming fear of riding or fear of horses.  While many of these books contain helpful information, useful techniques and pearls of wisdom, it occurred to me a long time ago that if anybody truly had “The Answer” there would be no need for the other 649 books.  The harsh reality is that, no matter how much we know about overcoming fear and anxiety or how many useful techniques or methods are available to us, each individual’s road to success will be different.  It will be unique to them.  Our path forward depends on a multitude of factors including who we are as individuals, our circumstances, our motivations and goals, and our resources, to name just a few.

Two weeks ago I had a serious fall from my horse.  If you missed the original post you can read about it here.  In the spirit that everyone’s recovery is different, I thought I would share some of my own thoughts, reflections and choices as I return to riding.  This is not offered as a blueprint for overcoming fear, but as a reflection on what has been important to me, as well as many of the clients I have helped through their fear over the years.

When I started to think about writing this blog post, I realized that there are so many different things to think about in addressing my path to recovery that it was hard to know where to start.  So, the first  step was to simplify and focus.  I did my best to assess my starting point, identify the main questions and challenges ahead and then break them down into workable steps.

Here is my current assessment.  Physically, while cleared to ride, I am not yet 100%.  My mind is clear but the injuries to my chest, ribs and shoulder have not yet fully healed.  I would say I am at 80%.  Emotionally, I am experiencing moderate anxiety about riding my young horse.  Interestingly,  since I don’t remember the accident, I am experiencing far less anxiety about getting back on than I have from other accidents where I was conscious throughout the experience.  I feel a degree of confidence from the fact that I have overcome anxiety and fear several times before when recovering from other falls and injuries.  I also draw some comfort because I am a far more skilled and knowledgeable horseman than I was 12 years ago, the time of my last serious accident.  Finally, my trepidation or anxiety this time around seems localized to my young horse.  The thought of getting on other horses, even ones I have not been riding regularly over the last year, doesn’t seem to phase me.  As my physical strength returns and I have the opportunity to ride, I will let you know if that changes.

In my attempts to simplify and focus my plan for recovery, I have settled on two main priorities for myself.  The first is to do my best to minimize physical risks to myself.  I am not a professional rider/trainer, I am not in any competition for points or year end awards, and I have a family with two young boys to support.   I ride because I love horses and my riding goals are not tied to a specific timetable or specific performance goals.  I fully understand and accept that there are inherent risks in riding horses and perhaps even more in riding a young horse.   I accept these risks because this is what I love to do.  However, given my other life priorities, the path I choose may appear overly conservative to some.  I realize that I am far more likely to be successful if I am patient with myself and my progress, rather than adding a level of stress and worry by pushing forward too quickly and increasing the risks.

The second priority is to maximize the probability of success.  For me, this involves setting things up in a way that I know will be best for me.  It also means setting things up in a way that I think will be best for my horse.  For example, I know that I do my best with support from others both in terms of companionship and having an ear to talk through my thought process including my personal experience and what I am reading in my horse.  My first several rides will be in good company.  I also know I am most confident in a context or setting in which I have had a great deal of prior success.  My first several rides will be in my arena at home where I would have a good chance of recreating the context in which my horse and I have experienced many good (and a few great) rides over the last year.  I also know I am at my best when I am not rushed.  My first several rides will be at a time when I have the time to take my time.  This also helps me to limit the distractions of life and to be as focused and relaxed as possible.  For my horse, I plan on starting from the beginning while looking for holes both in my skills and in his training.  I plan on taking my time to strengthen his foundation and rebuilding my trust in him, and hopefully being a more trustworthy partner for him.

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Since starting this post yesterday morning, the process has begun.  I finally felt more than well enough to attempt some light riding.  So, I went out last night with my young horse, my son and his mare with the simple goal of sitting astride my horse and assessing my own emotions and reactions.  It was supposed to be a short and simple process ( insert knowing smile here).  We started with some ground work where my horse chose to display his “athleticism” which, while admittedly impressive, only served to raise my anxiety.  It only took a moment to realize that my goals for that night had changed from assessing my emotions from the back of my horse to helping my horse get a better handle on his emotions.  I took the time that it took to help him get focused and connected with me.  When he was settled, relaxed and connected I took a deep breath, let it out and mounted, tested my neutral lateral flexion, backed him up, walked in a small circle and dismounted.  My anxiety was not as strong as I had earlier anticipated but I wanted to get myself to a better place before I quit.  I mounted again walked in small circles and figure eights testing his responsiveness to my leg aides, and when I finally felt my adrenaline drop and I was relaxed I dismounted and called it a night.

Today is a new day and tomorrow is yet another.  I have no idea how long this is going to take.  I do know that it is going to take commitment, effort and consistency on my part.  I hope to be able to report a few more steps forward by the time I write again.

“Why do you take riding lessons? Don’t you already know how to ride?”

Recently, I have been following the reports about David O’Connor’s approach to the USEF Eventing High Performance training sessions.  It got me thinking about coaching and mentorship and how it relates to attitudes about sport psychology.  In every sport, athletes seek out and receive coaching regardless of the their level of accomplishment and their knowledge of the game.  For the dedicated athlete there is always room for improvement.  There is always room to hone skills, expand knowledge, and strive to get better.

At the highest levels, this is often less about being directly taught than it is about seeking out a different perspective.  Having a skilled and respected colleague provide perspective and allow us to see ourselves through their eyes often leads to valuable insights and understandings that we might not otherwise come to on our own and improve our performance.

What puzzles me is that, so often, our attitudes toward the psychological side of our sport differ dramatically from our attitudes toward the physical side.  While we actively and consistently strive for improvement in our riding skill and ability through lessons and regular clinics, my experience suggests that sport psychology consultation has been primarily relegated to the role of fixing problems.  It is a lot like the way we deal with medical doctors.  We go when we get sick and are far less likely to engage their help in developing and maintaining a wellness program, more less improving a wellness program that seems to be working “well enough”.

It is easy to question the riding community for using sport psychology in this way, but I have to wonder if sport psychologists and mental skills consultants carry a large part of the responsibility in the way they we promote what we offer.  I looked at my library of sport psychology resources recently and took stock of what was offered.  Most of what I found focused on presenting and explaining how to use one or more of the traditional sport psychology skills; goal setting, energy regulation, visualization, motivational strategies, etc.  There is something about the way we present this information to the public which gives short shrift to the complexity of the human experience.  Don’t get me wrong, these skills are very useful and helpful to people.  They are an integral part of my professional arsenal and often provide almost immediate relief and assistance to clients struggling with a host of concerns. However, focusing so much on discrete mental skills shifts the attention away from exploring the rider as a whole person.

Who we are as a person is profoundly important in how we engage in equestrian sport.  For example, how we deal with conflict has a direct impact on how we react when our horses have a different idea than we do about something that we are going to do.  Our characteristic patterns in coping with stress will impact our behavior during competition.  Our preferred emotional style will determine the nature of our responses to emotionally intense events.  Our characteristic patterns of orienting our attention (inward vs outward) will impact the type and level of awareness we have as we ride.  The nature of our self-concept will shape our evaluation and judgement of ourselves.  These are just a few examples of how facets of our personality or broader psychology can impact our ride.

In dealing with riding concerns applying discrete mental skills can help, but at times it may feel that you are only chipping away at the edges of a problem.  There have been many instances in my work with clients that helping a rider come to a deeper understanding of the themselves and who they are as a person has been instrumental in creating lasting change.  I am also convinced that, in the absence of a crisis or significant riding problem, a rider’s commitment to personal growth and greater self-awareness will have  a profoundly positive impact on their engagement in the sport.

My commitment in the coming years is to explore ways in which I can help riders can grow in their self-knowledge and awareness and actively use that awareness to improve their riding.  I hope to provide a service that goes beyond “fixing problems” and, like riding lessons and clinics, ultimately support each rider’s personal growth in ways that help them grow as equestrians.

This weekend the good people at Sprout Therapeutic Riding and Education Center along with several of their friends have graciously volunteered to test out a new clinic format which combines experiential activities with horses and small group work sessions.  The expressed goal of the clinic is that each participant will come away with new self-awareness and a plan for applying this awareness in their riding.  I am grateful for the enthusiasm of my courageous volunteers and I hope they leave the day excited about what they have learned and hungry to learn even more.

But, How Do I Change That?

One of my favorite weeks of the year is the time I spend at the Upperville Colt and Horse Show.  This year was no exception.  My tent sat near the entrance gate to Ring 2 and the Ring 2 warm-up ring.   Between sessions I had the pleasure of watching riders warm-up and then watching their rounds in the Hunter Ring.   As a sport psychologist, it is a luxury to work with clients and then spent the time between sessions pondering the challenges that my clients face while observing athletes in action.

As often happens in my work, a distinct theme has emerged in my work at the show this year.  As my clients explored their concerns there have been several “light bulb” moments where they have become aware of what they do to sabotage their performance.  Once they realize what is happening, they often ask the question, “How do I change that?”

Before offering some thoughts about the process and nature of change, I need to highlight the most important part.  Before we seek to change we need to be aware (a) that there is a problem, (b) develop at least some small insight into the ways in which we get in our own way, and (c) discover our unequivocal desire to change.  Without this kind of awareness we run into two different problems.  The first is motivation.  When we are blind to a problem, or in denial, we seldom feel any motivation to make a change.  Secondly, when we know we have a problem but have no insight (or interest) in how we contribute to creating the problem we will be at high risk for blaming others.  This might include blaming our horse, our trainers, judges, etc.   Finally, we have to really want to change.  Nothing will stymie attempts to change faster than reservations about changing.  Reservations might include fear of failure, fear of success, fear of unintended consequences, or some other type of fear or ambivalence about change.

Once we have basic awareness of the problem, a guess at how we contribute to it, and a clear unequivocal desire to change; the process of change becomes simple (if not easy).  The core of creating change is to know what we want to do to replace the behavior that is connected to the problem.  It is incredibly easy to fall into the “I don’t want to do that” mode.  Knowing what we don’t want to do is only important in helping us to identify what we want to change.  After that, focusing on what we don’t want only serves to intensify or practice what we don’t want.  Decide what you want to do instead and challenge yourself to do it.

Next, be specific.  Focus the change you want to make on a specific behavior in a very specific context.  Specificity leads to personal accountability and the ability to assess the impact of our changes.  The more global and vague our ideas of what we  are going to change, the more difficult it is to pin ourselves down and hold ourselves accountable for actually changing.   We have to actually do something different.  Furthermore,  if we aren’t specific we never get to learn much about what actually makes a difference.

Finally, the changes we want to make need to be things that we can actually control.  Changes have to be self-initiated and maintained.  We have no power to change others and often very little ability to change contexts.  We can’t make a horse show judge change or make our horses change.  Change starts with us and is maintained by us.  This is true whenever we want a relationship to change.

The next time you want to make a change try this strategy out:

– Describe the problem you are experiencing.

– Decide if REALLY want to change it.

– Identify one or more ways your behavior contributes to the problem.

– Be very specific about the behavior that contributes to the problem and specific about the context in which the problem occurs.

– Decide what your going to do differently.

– Make sure what you decide to do can be self-initiated and self-maintained.

– Observe the results.  Is it what you want?  If not, lather rinse repeat.

Creating Perceptive, Patient, Even-tempered, Respectful and Relationship Savvy Riders for the Future of Equestrian Sport

A couple of weeks ago I posted an article on the Riding Far, LLC facebook page about creating grittier kids for the future of eventing.  The article made a very convincing argument that grit, defined as passion and perseverance in the attainment of one’s goals, is a commodity worth fostering in our young riders.  While I am in whole-hearted agreement about the importance of grit as an individual quality, I have been thinking lately about the importance of nurturing an appreciation for relationships skills in our children.  If we focus solely on grit in the service of our individual goals, it seems too me that we run the risk of reinforcing a view of those around us, including our horses, as tools to be used in the service of our personal goal attainment rather than as partners in our efforts.  Partners who are worthy of our respect and gratitude.  And, in the case of our equine partners, partners that deserve our best efforts in care, training and stewardship.

Last week I had the privilege of riding with my son in a Carol Coppinger clinic.  Carol is a gifted horsewoman, teacher and an excellent communicator.  One of her great talents is the ability to meet each horse and rider at their current level, and help them to find their next step forward.  She is perceptive, patient, calm, and respectful as well as passionate and persistent.  I am quite certain that Carol has grit.  I am not as certain that, in and of itself, it is her grit that is solely responsible for making her a great horsewoman or a great teacher.

Watching Carol teach my son over those two days, I realized a number of things that seem important.  The first, and perhaps most important, was that my son really wanted to ride with her.  My son had previously ridden with Carol for only two days more than a year ago.  Yet, somehow, in those two days she had made a lasting impression.   So much so that, as soon as one clinic ends, my son is looking forward eagerly to the next opportunity to ride with her.

I marvel at how their connection was made.  It was certainly not that Carol took it easy on him or that my son had an easy horse to ride in the clinic.  In contrast, he had many difficult challenges to work through with his horse.   So what was it about the way she worked with him that fostered his developing grit and left him feeling resourceful, enthusiastic, appreciative and committed to training and loving this very challenging horse?

I think the answer lies in her relationship skills.  While these skills seem difficult to delineate or define, I think it is worth the attempt if only to raise our awareness and start the discussion.  The skills that stood out for me included patience, a sense of calm, an attitude of respect, an ability to observe and listen, a quiet confidence, kindness, and compassion.  I am sure that there are many more and I encourage all of us to reflect on what  brings good things to our relationships, human and equine alike.  When we bring skills like these to our relationships good things happen, but how do we learn these skills?

The simple answer to helping people learn relationship skills would be to teach them.  We can teach people how to behave in specific interactions much in the way we teach many other skills.   I suppose that might be part of the solution. However, the more I think about it, the more I realize that these positive relationship behaviors flow naturally from a person’s attitudes and values rather than from a mechanistic application of skills.  The challenge that we face in the equestrian world is how to nurture the development of attitudes and values that naturally give rise to the behaviors or relationship skills which, in turn, lead to positive results.

So, as we search for ways to foster grit in our young riders, let’s also challenge ourselves to identify and foster the attitudes and values that might lead to the development of perceptive, patient, even-tempered, respectful, confident, grateful, kind and compassionate young riders that value the relationships they have with those that mentor and support them, including their horses.

Show ‘Em What You Got

Human beings seem pre-programmed to focus on problems and issues.  As winter fades away and spring gains a tentative foothold in Virginia, many of the riders I work with are shifting their focus to the coming show season.  I have noticed a trend when it comes to their preparation.  A lot of attention gets focused on what’s wrong with them and their horses at the expense of what is good and right.   I am not against periodic assessments of oneself and one’s horse, in fact, I encourage this as an important step in setting realistic goals.  However, when the assessment focuses primarily on problems and short-comings, we may end up creating more problems than we solve.

When you study the world of human success, one resounding theme that echoes through every expert’s message is that  belief in oneself and belief in our ability to succeed is essential.  It seems simple enough and eminently sensible.  The problem, in this case, lies in how we get this great idea to work for us in practical and meaningful ways.  Standing in front of the mirror repeating “I believe in myself.” or “I can do it.” doesn’t seem to work.  In fact, these types of general or global affirmations seldom result in meaningful change.  So, what is one to do?

The answer is equally simple and sensible.  Regularly focus your attention on what you can do and notice what you do well.  I often say that confidence is grounded in achievement.  But, people are generally horrible at tracking and appreciating our own achievements.   Focusing on our capability and resourcefulness is a skill that has to be practiced and nurtured.

Commit to the following experiment for one week.  At the beginning of each day take five minutes and reflect on five things that you do, or have done, well.  These may be skills or personal attributes or achievements, and they may or may not be related to riding.  Challenge yourself not to repeat them over the course of the week, so that each day you are reflecting on five new positives.

Next, take a few moments after each time you ride or interact with your horse and reflect on what you have done well or what is getting better.

Then, at the end of the week, sit down with your trainer or instructor for a planning and preparation session for the coming show season.  Make a realistic assessment of your current level of performance.  This should include an assessment of yourself as a rider, your horse and the two of you as a team.  Challenge yourself to use descriptive rather than critical language.  Next make a realistic list of your strengths, skills and capabilities.  Again, include yourself, your horse, and the two of you as a team.  Finally, make a list of your goals for the season, the steps you will take to achieve your goals, and the challenges you expect to face along the way.

When all of this is completed, take each challenge you expect to meet along the way and answer the following questions.  What opportunity is there for me in facing this challenge?  Which of my strengths, resources and abilities will be valuable in working through this challenge?

Focusing in a realistic and balanced way on the challenges you face as well as the skills, abilities, personal qualities, and other resources you bring to your riding will propel you forward in powerful and positive ways.  Then the next time you step into the ring you won’t be as worried about what you can’t do and you will be ready to… Show ‘Em What You Got.

Visualization: More Than Just Seeing

Some times language and the words we use to describe what we do is frustratingly limiting.  In the world of mental skills there is no place where this is more true than in the practice of visualization.  Our experience is so much more than what we see.  Yet, our practice of mental rehearsal has so often focused almost solely on the visual realm.

I often explain to clients that our experience is based on the representation and interpretation of information from all of our senses.  I wish there was a word that would capture this idea simply and effectively while still rolling easily off the tongue.  The best I have been able to do is to talk about “experientialization”.  The core idea being that the best mental rehearsal will allow for, and respect, the entirety of our experience rather than focusing in an imbalanced way on one slice of the experiential pie, namely, vision.

Try this simple exercise.  In your minds eye (there’s that visual focus again) mentally rehearse some skill or set of skills that you are working on.  This might be jumping a combination or course, performing a series of dressage movements, jumping cross-country, racing a barrel pattern, roping a calf, practicing navigating a trail obstacle… you get the idea.  The first time you rehearse this, let yourself rehearse it in whatever way is natural for you.  Then, go through your rehearsal again only this time feel (somatic/kinesthetic) your way through it.  Do it again and now think (auditory) your way through it.  Then finally, see (visual) your way through it.  Notice how the experience changes base on your shifting sensory focus.  Is there one focus that is more challenging than another? One that is easier?

There are many ways that you can actively use these sensory modalities to enhance your mental rehearsal.  The simplest is by creating sensory balance.  Ignoring one or more of these sensory modalities leaves us vulnerable to their potential impact.  By incorporating and balancing the desired thought patterns, kinesthetic experience, as well as visual experience into our mental rehearsal we stand the greatest chance of practicing and ultimately creating our optimal ride.

The Power of a Truly Free Choice

I often tell the story of a past client of mine who was struggling with a fear of jumping.  She was returning to the hunter/jumper world after many years away and had been a successful professional trainer in her younger life.  We worked hard to address her fear from a variety of different angles, but some how we always ran into some insurmountable roadblock.

I remember one day, in the middle of our latest creative effort to tackle her fear, she stopped and smiled.  It was one of those whole-face smiles with twinkling eyes and a grin from ear to ear.  I stopped mid-sentence and asked, “What?” She replied simply and joyfully, “I don’t have to jump!”  She thanked me for the work we had done together and left.  Some months later I received a call from her.  She proceeded to tell me about how she was jumping again and that the fear was gone.  Now, some 10 years later, she has reestablished her business and is training and teaching successfully.

I have never forgotten the power of that transformation.  Perhaps the most important lesson for me was the understanding that no matter how much we say (or think) we want to accomplish something,  our inner and often unspoken feelings will ultimately rule the day.  We all have the ability to tackle the greatest of challenges, but only if our conscious intent and our authentic inner desire are aligned.  And, the secret key to this alignment is finding a way to make a truly free choice.

What happens if you make an honest inventory of your motivations to tackle a challenge, conquer anxiety, or face a fear?  I know for me there is often a complex web of personal feelings or desires mixed with the other voices in my head (trainers, friends, family, etc.) and liberal sprinkling of a variety of well learned “shoulds”.  The problem with all of these competing interests in our brains is that they often serve to take the free choice out of facing a challenge by making the choice of not facing the challenge wrong, bad, or in some way shameful.  In this way we can feel pressured into change.

I don’t know about you, but whenever I feel pressured into action there is almost always an element of resistance, or at the very least heightened emotion such as tension or anxiety.  Facing our fears and conquering our personal challenges is hard enough without having the additional pressure of the things we “should” or “have to” do.  Tackling fear, anxiety, doubt, frustration or any other strong emotion in our riding requires both commitment and the willingness and ability to tolerate discomfort.  The simple fact is that people are best able to commit to a course of action and tolerate discomfort when we truly, in our heart of hearts, freely choose to conquer our demons, tackle our doubts and fears and rise to the challenges we face.

Motivation: It’s not just about horses.

For some reason transitions always make me confront questions of motivation.  Whether the transitions are in my work life, my personal life, or my riding I find myself reflecting on what drives me to do the things that I do and, in a directly related way, where am I driving next.

The question of motivation is a powerfully important one.  It is the fuel that energizes our actions.  With out motivation we literally do nothing.  Yet, motivation is more than an “on” or “off” proposition and it is often more accurate to talk about multiple motivations than a single motivation.  In this way, what starts as a seemingly simple proposition such as answering the question, “Why do I ride?” becomes imbued with subtlety and complexity.

For the last six months I have been riding with my two sons, following along with their interest in foxhunting.  To be honest, I have had a blast.  I have rediscovered a love of jumping.  I have loved the hours galloping cross-country.  It has been effortless to get up early, endure sore muscles, and joyously ride in all sorts of inclement weather.  I found over time that I was inspired again to work regularly with my own horses and have committed myself to bringing along my three year old gelding, Revel.  More recently, I have been seriously working toward building a herd that is suitable for my sons’ interests and directing my energy toward helping my boys build a base of skill and experience that will sustain them in their riding for the long run.

All of this has meant change; change in horses, change in activities, change in routines, change in goals… With all of this change I have been challenged to reflect on my motivation because I know that, no matter how logical and sensible my plans and goals may be, with out motivation it will all be for naught.  I also know that my motivations have to be aligned with the specific plans and goals I make.  I can be highly motivated, but if I am not motivated to take the actual steps in pursuing my stated goals I am likely to end up frustrated, discouraged or worse.

Here is what I know about my  motivations.  I love horses.  Don’t ask me why I just do.  I think it’s imprinted in my DNA.  I am passionate about learning and exploring relationships.  I highly value personal growth.  I enjoy the challenge of taking my skill, as well as my relationship with horses, to the next level.  I am a bit of an adrenaline junkie.  I am steadfastly committed to parenting my sons which involves providing them opportunity, appropriate limits, and a secure base of skill and experience from which they can explore their own interests and abilities.

One of the things that I have noticed this time around is that much of my motivation these days to get myself out of bed every morning at 5 am to feed and care for the horses, to load up the horses at 6am and trailer down to a nearby indoor when its 14 degrees out, and to invest in lessons, clinics and capping fees comes from personal interests, desires and values that are not directly related to my love of horses.  I used to think that the only way to shore up my flagging motivation in my riding was to reconnect to all things “horse”.  Now my horse related activity is fueled by my commitment to parenting.  Now my equestrian pursuits are fueled by a drive for self-improvement.  Now my riding is fueled by my need for relationship.  What a delight to discover that connecting this larger sense of my personal values to my equestrian pursuits could energize me in such a powerful way.

When You Join A New Herd

A few weeks ago I took my mare, Idle Hour Fantasy (aka Thumper),  down to Over The Grass Farm for training and to get some time and experience in the hunt field.  At home she was always the submissive one, bottom of the herd.  She was sweet and easy to work around, never pushy or assertive.  When I went down to ride her a few weeks later I noticed that she turned to nip me when I was saddling her.  Surprised, I asked how she was doing and I was told that she was doing great.  She was the boss of the field and that she was confident and often tested boundaries with her humans.

Last weekend I had another chance to observe my horses in changing herds.  We welcomed several new horses to the farm and said a temporary good-bye to a couple of our long-time equine friends.  One of the horses we welcomed was a VERY LARGE pinto draft gelding named Hershey Kisses who had the reputation of being dominant and assertive.  The other new addition was Enchanted a sweet submissive two year old draft cross filly.  Hershey went out with my young Cleveland Bay cross gelding Revel.  Enchanted took her place out in the field with my crotchety 34 year old palomino pony PC and my son’s aged and submissive quarter horse gelding Rusty.  Anybody care to guess what happened when I went out to feed the next morning?

As I threw hay into the pasture, Revel gave Hershey “the look.” Hershey respectfully kept his distance until Revel had inspected all the flakes of hay and chosen the best one.  Hmmm.  In the next field, mild mannered Rusty was busy pushing the bossy old pony away from the new girl, establishing clear and firm boundaries.  I find it profoundly interesting how each horse’s behavior changed with the new context and relationships.  It got me to thinking about the riders that I work with and how we are so different in different situations and in different groups of people.

In my psychotherapy practice it is common for people to struggle with different feelings in different situations.  How many of us feel confident in our friendships and local community and then go “home” for the holidays and feel like a twelve-year-old version of ourselves in the context of our families?  How many of us feel confident in our day-to-day work and feel shy or awkward at a party where we don’t know many people?  Or, feel confident in writing down our thoughts but anxious about speaking them in public, even though the material is the same?

It makes sense to many people that they feel differently in different situations in life.  Riding really is no different.  We need to be careful about assuming that our comfort and confidence will generalize to other riding situations.  Our solid steady emotional demeanor at home may not naturally transfer to other settings such as the competition arena.  Or, our feelings of comfort and security riding one horse may not translate to riding another horse.  Even when we “know” that both horses are well schooled and generally sensible. And, we may experience a wide array of different emotions when we are riding in the company of others.  Especially if those “others” are people whose opinions matter dearly to us.

Most riders are thoughtful about riding their horses in new situations.  We seek opportunities to take them off the farm.  To get them used to the hustle and bustle of a horse show or riding in company.  Fox Hunts have trail rides and cubbing before the formal season.  Even at the highest levels of competition we transport our horses to show venues days, if not weeks, ahead of competition and school them in preparation for the big day.  Often this is seen as a long-term agenda which we take step by step.  Our expectation is that it will take time and we are pleasantly surprised if our horses accommodate to the new setting quickly.

How often do we do the same for ourselves?  How nice it would be if we had the same tempered expectations and patience with ourselves that we extend to our horses.  The next time you are planning a new equine adventure, whether its a new venue or different activity, reflect on  your own level of experience with your horse in that setting or activity.  Then ask yourself what progressive steps might you take to prepare yourself and set yourself up for success.  What can you do to maximize the probability that you will bring your best? Something as simple as setting appropriate expectations based on your knowledge of yourself and your experience, or making a progressive plan can go a long, long way towards creating positive and satisfying results.

Mental Toughness: What is it anyway?

Mental toughness.  The bread and butter of sport psychology.  Considered by most to be a key ingredient of athletic success.  Yet, do we really know what it is? And, more importantly, do we know how to get it if we find it lacking?  Like many other human experiential phenomenon such as love, it is a concept that is at the same time familiar and elusive.  We all feel like we know what it is, but when we start to try and explain it we have a hard time finding a clear and concise definition.

Don’t feel bad.  Sport psychologists don’t know what it is either.  Sure, we have some ideas.  But, at the end of the day we don’t have a consensus.  Some say it is genetic. Others insist that it’s learned.  Some say it’s a personality trait.  Some describe it as a collection of values, attitudes, behaviors and emotions.  For the sport psychology consumer, this starts to feel demoralizing if you consider yourself one of those people who could use a boost in their performance and have been told you might benefit from some mental toughness.  How the heck are you supposed to get some if you don’t even know what it is?!?!

Don’t despair.  One thing we do know about mental toughness is that it is the “stuff” that results in athletes over-coming pressure and adversity and performing consistently to the highest level of which they are capable.  So if we side-step the academic arguments, we can get about the business of gathering the “stuff” we need to over-come adversity, cope with pressure, and perform consistently.  I suspect that one of the reasons we have such a hard time defining it is because the “stuff” of mental toughness is really different for different people.  At the end of the day it is about getting the job done.  Does it really matter that my “stuff” is different then your “stuff”?  Do we all need to approach things the same way?  Of course not.

If you want a place to start your journey to mental toughness, there is no harm in borrowing some of the ideas that sport psychologists have thought to be important.  Reflecting on our values, attitudes, beliefs, behaviors, and emotions is probably a good place to start.   Start with the things that make the most sense to you.   Be gentle and kind to yourself but firm and consistent in pursuing change.  Not unlike the way you would approach training a horse.

When you get stuck, seek help.  Our brains are great tools for problem solving but at the same time we are limited by our own perspective.  Talking out a problem with a trusted advisor may help you by-pass months of frustration and suffering.

Be careful not to mistake stubbornness for mental toughness.  There is a difference between persistence/resilience and self-destructive pride or stubbornness.  It serves us well to learn this distinction early.

As a final note, think of mental toughness as a result of personal change rather than a pathway to change.  When we “fake it ’til we make it”, “cowboy up” and  tough it out, or when we use anger to push our way through, more often than not we cause more problems than we solve.  When we truly believe in ourselves and our ability, when we align our thoughts, and attitudes positively, when we train ourselves to behave consistently and skillfully, and when we have strengthened our ability to tolerate strong emotion and soothe ourselves, then what we call mental toughness will flow from us naturally.