Show ‘Em What You Got

Human beings seem pre-programmed to focus on problems and issues.  As winter fades away and spring gains a tentative foothold in Virginia, many of the riders I work with are shifting their focus to the coming show season.  I have noticed a trend when it comes to their preparation.  A lot of attention gets focused on what’s wrong with them and their horses at the expense of what is good and right.   I am not against periodic assessments of oneself and one’s horse, in fact, I encourage this as an important step in setting realistic goals.  However, when the assessment focuses primarily on problems and short-comings, we may end up creating more problems than we solve.

When you study the world of human success, one resounding theme that echoes through every expert’s message is that  belief in oneself and belief in our ability to succeed is essential.  It seems simple enough and eminently sensible.  The problem, in this case, lies in how we get this great idea to work for us in practical and meaningful ways.  Standing in front of the mirror repeating “I believe in myself.” or “I can do it.” doesn’t seem to work.  In fact, these types of general or global affirmations seldom result in meaningful change.  So, what is one to do?

The answer is equally simple and sensible.  Regularly focus your attention on what you can do and notice what you do well.  I often say that confidence is grounded in achievement.  But, people are generally horrible at tracking and appreciating our own achievements.   Focusing on our capability and resourcefulness is a skill that has to be practiced and nurtured.

Commit to the following experiment for one week.  At the beginning of each day take five minutes and reflect on five things that you do, or have done, well.  These may be skills or personal attributes or achievements, and they may or may not be related to riding.  Challenge yourself not to repeat them over the course of the week, so that each day you are reflecting on five new positives.

Next, take a few moments after each time you ride or interact with your horse and reflect on what you have done well or what is getting better.

Then, at the end of the week, sit down with your trainer or instructor for a planning and preparation session for the coming show season.  Make a realistic assessment of your current level of performance.  This should include an assessment of yourself as a rider, your horse and the two of you as a team.  Challenge yourself to use descriptive rather than critical language.  Next make a realistic list of your strengths, skills and capabilities.  Again, include yourself, your horse, and the two of you as a team.  Finally, make a list of your goals for the season, the steps you will take to achieve your goals, and the challenges you expect to face along the way.

When all of this is completed, take each challenge you expect to meet along the way and answer the following questions.  What opportunity is there for me in facing this challenge?  Which of my strengths, resources and abilities will be valuable in working through this challenge?

Focusing in a realistic and balanced way on the challenges you face as well as the skills, abilities, personal qualities, and other resources you bring to your riding will propel you forward in powerful and positive ways.  Then the next time you step into the ring you won’t be as worried about what you can’t do and you will be ready to… Show ‘Em What You Got.

When You Join A New Herd

A few weeks ago I took my mare, Idle Hour Fantasy (aka Thumper),  down to Over The Grass Farm for training and to get some time and experience in the hunt field.  At home she was always the submissive one, bottom of the herd.  She was sweet and easy to work around, never pushy or assertive.  When I went down to ride her a few weeks later I noticed that she turned to nip me when I was saddling her.  Surprised, I asked how she was doing and I was told that she was doing great.  She was the boss of the field and that she was confident and often tested boundaries with her humans.

Last weekend I had another chance to observe my horses in changing herds.  We welcomed several new horses to the farm and said a temporary good-bye to a couple of our long-time equine friends.  One of the horses we welcomed was a VERY LARGE pinto draft gelding named Hershey Kisses who had the reputation of being dominant and assertive.  The other new addition was Enchanted a sweet submissive two year old draft cross filly.  Hershey went out with my young Cleveland Bay cross gelding Revel.  Enchanted took her place out in the field with my crotchety 34 year old palomino pony PC and my son’s aged and submissive quarter horse gelding Rusty.  Anybody care to guess what happened when I went out to feed the next morning?

As I threw hay into the pasture, Revel gave Hershey “the look.” Hershey respectfully kept his distance until Revel had inspected all the flakes of hay and chosen the best one.  Hmmm.  In the next field, mild mannered Rusty was busy pushing the bossy old pony away from the new girl, establishing clear and firm boundaries.  I find it profoundly interesting how each horse’s behavior changed with the new context and relationships.  It got me to thinking about the riders that I work with and how we are so different in different situations and in different groups of people.

In my psychotherapy practice it is common for people to struggle with different feelings in different situations.  How many of us feel confident in our friendships and local community and then go “home” for the holidays and feel like a twelve-year-old version of ourselves in the context of our families?  How many of us feel confident in our day-to-day work and feel shy or awkward at a party where we don’t know many people?  Or, feel confident in writing down our thoughts but anxious about speaking them in public, even though the material is the same?

It makes sense to many people that they feel differently in different situations in life.  Riding really is no different.  We need to be careful about assuming that our comfort and confidence will generalize to other riding situations.  Our solid steady emotional demeanor at home may not naturally transfer to other settings such as the competition arena.  Or, our feelings of comfort and security riding one horse may not translate to riding another horse.  Even when we “know” that both horses are well schooled and generally sensible. And, we may experience a wide array of different emotions when we are riding in the company of others.  Especially if those “others” are people whose opinions matter dearly to us.

Most riders are thoughtful about riding their horses in new situations.  We seek opportunities to take them off the farm.  To get them used to the hustle and bustle of a horse show or riding in company.  Fox Hunts have trail rides and cubbing before the formal season.  Even at the highest levels of competition we transport our horses to show venues days, if not weeks, ahead of competition and school them in preparation for the big day.  Often this is seen as a long-term agenda which we take step by step.  Our expectation is that it will take time and we are pleasantly surprised if our horses accommodate to the new setting quickly.

How often do we do the same for ourselves?  How nice it would be if we had the same tempered expectations and patience with ourselves that we extend to our horses.  The next time you are planning a new equine adventure, whether its a new venue or different activity, reflect on  your own level of experience with your horse in that setting or activity.  Then ask yourself what progressive steps might you take to prepare yourself and set yourself up for success.  What can you do to maximize the probability that you will bring your best? Something as simple as setting appropriate expectations based on your knowledge of yourself and your experience, or making a progressive plan can go a long, long way towards creating positive and satisfying results.

How Do You Measure Success?

Many of my friends, clients, and fellow vendors have asked how my week at Upperville has gone.  I found it interesting that I responded differently based on who was asking the question and when they asked it. When it was a fellow vendor I would reflect on the practical business end of things.  How many sessions had I scheduled?  How many potential new clients had I engaged? When my clients asked, I thought about the work.  How many different issues had I helped clients with over the week?  Had I been “on my game” so to speak?  What did I learn? When my friends asked, I thought about the joys of sitting ring-side and the multitude of people I had connected or reconnected with in the shade of the oak tree beside my “office”.

All of this got me thinking about the challenges of showing horses and how extremely important our personal interpretation of “success” is in determining our experience.  This is especially true in an environment where we are all competing for the proverbial “Blue Ribbon”.  There is a human tendency under these conditions to develop a kind of tunnel vision.  We can forget about the rich tapestry of worthy goals that we are working toward and we can lose our ability track and measure our progress on the pathways toward those goals.

In a paradoxical way, there is a greater danger for riders who are actually winning.  When we fall short of our competition goals it is easier for us to focus our attention on our horsemanship, training or personal skill development.  It is natural under those conditions to focus on how we can get better and how to become more competitive in our chosen discipline. When we “win” on a regular basis we begin to focus on an ever narrowing band of success.  We may even begin to see failure in what the rest of the world considers success.  We might be upset or disappointed in a reserve champion ribbon or, say, only two blues in the three classes we entered.

I think this is especially true for children.  If the focus of their horse activities is competition, it is important for parents and trainers to be aware of the potential dynamics of success.  We need to instill in our young riders a broader sense of goals and values and encourage them to work actively on those as they grow as competitors.  This is vitally important for a number of reasons.  Most importantly, we all need both appropriate challenges and a belief in the possibility of success.  Without challenge we become bored or disinterested, or our perspective on success can become distorted as I described above.  Similarly, if we perceive that we have no possibility of success we become demoralized.

So, the next time you compete, ask your self how you measure success.  Take the time to reflect on your horsemanship and riding goals above and beyond the “Blue Ribbon”. And, when the day is done, measure yourself on all of these dimensions and not just how you placed in the class.

It’s Not About Us…It’s About The Horses

I enjoyed reading Lauren Sprieser’s article “No Success in a Vacuum” in the Chronicle last week.  She did a nice job highlighting the importance of our relationships in our horsemanship journey.  I was particularly struck by one line toward the end of her article.

“There’s this funny little tick in Americans about wanting to be pioneers, to reach great heights by ourselves, but that’s just not how it works.”

It got me thinking how many people that I have met in my practice who wanted to be more than just successful.  Many did feel both the need to be, in Sprieser’s words, a pioneer and the need to do it all on their own.  I also got to thinking about how this “funny little tick” is not just an individual issue.  It seems more like a cultural value which applies not only to individuals but to businesses, groups and organizations as well.

There is a relatively new e-publication in the equine assisted psychotherapy world called eapReport.  There are many things that I like about this publication.  Foremost is their tagline, “It is not about the model it is about the horse.”  When ever I read that line I am reminded of the countless squabbles I have witnessed between proponents of the various models of equine assisted psychotherapy/learning.  I am also reminded of similar, and sometimes vitriolic, squabbles between disciples of various equestrian disciplines and schools of horsemanship.

This phenomenon is not unique to the horse world.  Similar battles rage in the field of psychology between proponents of different theoretical perspectives.  There are frequent turf wars.  Some of these wars are fought over prestige, some over status, some over academic “principles”, and some over money.  Add the end of the day, one thing is for certain, the “person” is lost in the fray in the same way that the horse is lost in so many of the battles in the equestrian world.

I was taught early on in my graduate study of group psychology that group boundaries were important.  They provided members of the group a kind of security that is necessary in order for people to learn, take risks and explore.  I was also taught that there was value in dedicating oneself to the in-depth study of one psychological theory and school of therapy.  It is important for us to belong to group and to commit ourselves to mastery of a discipline.  Focusing our energies in this way helps us to excel and to be creative in the process.  However, the value of group membership does not need to be accompanied by the disparagement of others and the dismissal of ideas that are different from our own.

Early in my career I was quick to judge and criticize other psychological perspectives often without even really understanding their ideas or principles or how they applied their knowledge.  I am convinced now that I did this out of my own insecurity and need for personal legitimacy.  Now, whenever I explore a new psychological perspective, I make it my responsibility to dig deeply and develop an in-depth knowledge before I set to judging or critiquing.

I truly have to credit my horses for this shift in attitude.   I had the good fortune of owning a horse, Ride On Blue, who completely stymied me and all that I had learned in my then 30 years of riding.  This caused me to look outside of my own world of horsemanship to places I had never thought to look before.  I remember having huge reservations about this, but I made a commitment to myself and my future horses that I would not judge until I had committed the time to developing an in-depth understanding of what each brand of horsemanship or clinician had to offer.  My horses are glad that I did.

I think it is wonderful that we have so many different equestrian disciplines and so many schools of horsemanship.  I also think it is healthy that there are well defined differences or boundaries between these groups.  That way, students of each discipline can feel a degree of security and safety, and explore their world of horses in ways that bring about innovation and greater understanding of our horses and our partnership with them.  I also think that it is healthy to learn from one another and gain benefit from different perspectives.  Sure there will be times that we will have legitimate concerns about the teachings and practices of others, but let’s make sure in those moments that our protestations are not grounded in our own insecurity or need to protect our status and/or legitimacy.  After all its not about us, its about the horses.

Gratitude for Another Year of Life’s Lessons

One of the greatest joys of preparing for my annual seminar series is taking the time to reflect on the work of the last year and pull together the lessons I have learned from the people with whom I have worked.  I am always humbled when I realize how much I have gained through the bravery and efforts of others as I assist them in tackling their riding challenges.  Each year I have grown in insight and understanding.  Each year I have grown in my awareness of the uniqueness of each individual’s challenges.  I hope that I have grown in my ability to respond to each person’s situation with knowledge and skill.  I also hope that I have grown in my ability to respond with sensitivity, insight and “feel”.

As I sit down to prepare myself for this year’s seminar series, I am acutely aware that this year was as rich as any other in what I have learned.  What strikes me as different this year is that the challenges I have faced as a sport psychologist have helped me return to my professional roots as a clinical psychologist.  I have spent much of the last twelve years seeking to increase my knowledge and skill specifically in sport psychology.  I have explored many of the traditional arenas of sport psychology; emotional regulation, goal setting, imagery, and self-talk to name a few.  I have also mastered intervention techniques such as hypnosis, neuro-linguistic programming,  and mindfulness meditation.  What I have realized this year is that knowledge and technical skill, no matter how complete, is not enough.

The challenge is not in articulating what could be (or what some might feel should be) attained in terms of mental and emotional states during competition.  The challenge is in engaging ourselves in the process of change.  How many articles have you read or seminars have you attended that have outlined the essential mental skills of successful athletes?  How many books have you read about sport psychology techniques for improving performance, managing anxiety, or tackling fear?  The reality is that there is a lot of very good information out there.  Yet, I meet person after person who has had great difficulty applying this excellent knowledge base in a way that leads to meaningful changes in their own riding.

So what do you do when the solutions seem clear and simple, but difficult to attain?  How do you set the stage so that you are open and available for growth and change in our riding?  For the last year I have been looking to my roots as a clinical psychologist to shed some light on potential answers to these questions.  I have used this blog as a place to talk about some of the human psychology which underlies the challenges we face, and more importantly, the challenges we face in changing.  This year in the seminar series my goal is to take another step toward helping each rider make positive changes by offering them more than just a template for success.  I hope to offer them greater understanding of themselves and what they need on a basic psychological level to engage their curiosity and creativity.  The same curiosity and creativity which makes change not only possible, but powerfully rewarding.

When You Need New Glasses…

Sometimes you need new lenses and sometimes you just need new frames.

I have always been seduced by the idea that if I can just analyze a problem sufficiently, I will be able to solve it.  I am a problem solver by nature and was raised in a family where knowledge and understanding were highly valued.  Especially, if that knowledge and understanding came from a careful, methodical and thorough analysis.  I have thought about this as the”lens” through which I look at a problem.  If I could just bring the problem into focus then I felt that I had a good shot at solving it.

One of my earliest challenges as a psychologist was my impatience in the process of change.  I worked diligently with my clients to help them explore their lives.  I helped them understand behavioral and emotional patterns, their temperament, their neurology and physiology, their relationships, and how their life of learning led them to where they are at the present moment.  And yet, more often than not, this highly focused and clear understanding of their problems did not spontaneously lead to change. Frustrating, right?

Over time I began to notice that the clients that did make changes were the one’s that, after understanding their problem, naturally shifted their focus to solutions.  In that way, they knew where they were going.  They had analyzed the problems in their life and, using that analysis as a basis, they had identified one or more solutions.  In essence, they had shifted their focus and attention from what I call a “problem frame” to a “solution frame”.  This may seem like an obvious and simple idea, but it is so often lost both in life and in learning.

Take a moment the next time you ride to listen to the voice inside your head.  How often do you identify a problem in your riding?  How often do you search for a cause?  And, how often when you identify a cause, do you admonish yourself to stop doing the offending behavior? Many riders are very critical of themselves.  They constantly tell themselves “don’t do this” or “don’t do that.”  The problem with this approach is simply that no amount of telling ourselves what not to do will help us do the right thing.

If your an instructor or coach, pay attention to the language that you use when working with your clients.  Notice how often you are critical or point out something your client is doing wrong.  If you find yourself doing this on occasion, try an experiment.  The next time your teaching a lesson and notice a behavior that you would like your client to change, take the time to enter a into “problem frame” with your student.  Clearly and thoroughly describe your client’s riding behavior and why it fails to bring about the desired results.  Then consciously and deliberately shift the focus from problems to solutions and enter into a “solution frame.” Talk with them clearly and specifically about what they need to do in order to progress. Finally, when you see the undesired behavior again, help your client stay in a “solution frame” by reminding them about what they need to do rather than pointing out their mistake.

There is no doubt that seeing things clearly is of great value in our equestrian lives, and that looking at our experience through the correct lens will help us greatly in our quest to accomplish our riding goals.  It is equally important to remember that no amount of focus or clarity will serve to help us overcome the challenges in our equestrian journey, if we are seeing things clearly through an unhelpful frame.

Ask a fish to climb a tree….

Last week I had the opportunity to spend a week with some of the best hunter riders in the world at the Capital Challenge Horse Show.  In the process of reentry and reconnecting to my regular daily routines I came across this quote in a friend’s FaceBook post.

In a world that is so focused on winning as a measure of success, I think it is helpful to remind ourselves that we should be careful not to always measure ourselves against the achievements and accomplishments of others.

While we may choose to compete in the same arena, remember that the success of others is not a referendum on our own talents and abilities.  Take the time to appreciate your uniqueness and, if you find yourself feeling frustrated, check to make sure you’re in the water and not up some tree.

The Long View

When I began my week at the Capital Challenge I committed myself to blogging every day and sharing some of the thoughts and reflections that came as a result of my work here.  I remember in the beginning I was energized and excited and the blog posts flowed out of my fingertips on to the computer.  Last night at 11 pm as I was finishing up my latest post, I was acutely aware that, no matter how exciting or glorious one’s goals seem at the onset of a journey, achieving those goals is still going to require commitment, determination and hard work.

This week I had the opportunity to work with a number of enthusiastic, committed, and determined competitors.  Each incredible people in their own right and each following their own path on the way to achieving their goals.  When at a show, the core of my job is to help each athlete set themselves up for success in the next class or series of classes.  The focus is usually on their riding in the short-run.  I help them connect to and focus on their positive resources, creating a better emotional and psychological balance from which they can compete.

As important as it is to prepare ourselves emotionally and psychologically at the moment of competition, it is also crucial to remind ourselves that we are in it for the long haul.  No one ride, one class, or one competition defines who we are as an equestrian athlete.  Some times we are going to make poor choices in our riding.  Some times we are going to ride flawlessly and our horses will not be at their best.  Some times everything will come together and others will still be judged to have bested us.  Sometimes we will win and win big.

Whatever the outcome of a competition, it helps to remember that we are on a longer journey.  Every time we fall short we are presented with an opportunity to learn.  Commit yourself to use these opportunities for learning and, commit yourself to continue to grow as a rider and competitor.  There will likely be more rides, more horses and more competitions but, for each of us there is only one journey.  Let’s do our best with what we have and step forward with grit, determination, enthusiasm,  curiosity, compassion for ourselves, and above all else appreciation and respect for all that our horses give to us.

Day 5 – Building Bridges to Success

On every  journey we encounter obstacles to be overcome, and the road to success in the show ring is no different.  Some times those obstacles are in the external/physical world; physical illness,  injury(to ourselves or our horses), weather conditions, equipment failures, financial restraints, to name a few.  More often the biggest obstacles lie within ourselves.

It is generally easy to identify the mental and emotional challenges we face in competition.  Lack of focus, shaken confidence,  fear, and anxiety often vie for the top spot.  However, there is another obstacle that is far less obvious and only makes itself known when we try to make a change.  People are creatures of habit and are resistant to (or vaguely fearful of) change.  This appears to be true even when the logical benefits of change far outweigh the benefits of maintaining the status quo.

So how does a person build a bridge over this obstacle?  One of the foundational building blocks is to look beyond the desired outcome, and consider the possible ripple effects of success.  Change impacts the ecology of our personal universe.  So ask yourself the following questions, “How will success impact you?  What will success mean to you?”  Take the time to reflect on this rather than stopping at the first answer that comes to mind.  Will it impact your relationships?  Will it place additional demands on you?  Will your expectations of yourself change?  These are just a few of the possible ways that achieving success might impact you and your life.

Identifying the ripple effects of a change and thoughtfully addressing them before launching yourself into making important changes will go a long ways toward bridging the gap to success in your riding endeavors.